When Should You Come Out? : Robin Vlog : Lacie and Robin

6 days ago
Some of you have reached out to us with questions about coming out, so I wanted to share my experience with you in hopes that it will help. If you have ...

English subtitle

I guess I wanted to make this video
because I wished I had a video like this
when I was young. Hi, you guys. I wanted
to talk to you today about when to come
out.
Lacie and I have gotten some messages
from some of you who are struggling with
your sexuality or questioning your
sexuality and not sure about how to deal
with any of this stuff. So, I wanted to
talk about that with you
just from my perspective, because I've
been there. When I was young, I didn't
have anybody that I could turn to or
even look to. There were no TV characters,
there was no YouTube. I didn't know
anyone who was gay. I didn't even know
what it was. I just remember, from a pretty
early age, I would have these feelings
for girls. I didn't know what to call it,
I didn't know what it was. Like, I just
had these feelings for a particular girl
and I would just kind of want to know
what classes she was in. Maybe I would
take an elective modern dance course if
I knew she was in that class, or maybe we
would, you know, accidentally cross paths
because I would know exactly where she
was going between classes. That kind of
thing. I wasn't into guys at all. I didn't
want to wear makeup. I just, um, had this
secret. And I just figured, you know, it
doesn't matter, whatever, I'll just, this
is just gonna be the way it is. I'll have
these feelings for girls, it'll be fine. I
won't ever do anything. Nobody needs to
know. And then I remember when I was
about 14, there was this one girl in my
drama class. We were sitting at a table
and she turned my necklace clasp to the
back, and probably said "make a wish" or
something. I don't know what you say when
you do that. But, for whatever reason,
something changed in me. That was just a
moment in time where I went, oh. Oh, no.
This is, this is a big problem. I had
a heart to heart with myself. I was like,
okay, so whatever this is, whatever you
are, you're just gonna keep that to
yourself. I still didn't know what to
call it, but I knew it was not acceptable,
and I knew my mother was not going to be
okay with it.
See, I was all about my mom. I lived to
please my mom, and I knew that this was
not going to please her. So, I decided,
this is just not gonna happen. I don't
care, you know, I can have these feelings,
I'm not gonna do anything about them. I
just have to play the game,
do what I need to do . . . It's so insane.
Oh, man, if you guys are going through
this, now I'm so sorry. It f*cking sucks. So,
here it is. It's like, okay, this is who I
am and I don't want this. So, I played the
game. I didn't pursue any guys, but if a
guy pursued me, I would just do it. And it
was so stupid. I didn't even try to act
like I was into the guy. I was just like,
okay, we're together, we're in a
relationship. And I just was not into it.
That was my reality, until I found my
community. When I was in my early 20's, I
met a group of gay and lesbian people.
And I remember we were all out at a
restaurant one day, and somebody was
talking about the community. And I was
like, oh, we're in a community, are we? I mean,
I didn't know what a community was. I was
hanging out with them, and I was hanging
out in the community because they were
my friends. And, I mean, I was straight, you
know, as far as I was concerned. I was
just, you know, totally tolerant of my gay
and lesbian friends. And then, eventually, I
realized, yeah, I am one of you. You are my
people. This is what I want to say to you
guys. If you feel like you're not sure
about coming out, you're struggling with
your sexuality, you don't know what to do,
you have to find your community. Whether
it's online, whether it's in person. They
helped me to figure out who I was. I
could never really reveal myself to
anyone until I met them. And, you know, in
terms of when to come out, the most
important thing is that you feel like
it's the right time. You should not feel
pressured to come out for any reason. I
really want to be clear about that,
because I know a lot of people feel like
they're living a lie if they don't tell
the world what they're about. And that's
just not true. You can be true to
yourself without telling everyone else
what your truth is. It may not be safe
for you to come out. If you're young,
you're living at home, it might not be
okay to come out to your family yet. You
rely on them. You might not be ready to
come out. I came out to different people
at different times. I didn't think I
would ever come out to my mom because I
didn't know how strong I was eventually
going to be. When I told my mom, I knew it
was gonna be okay, no matter what, because
I was so secure in myself, that I
I was ready. There was nothing that she
could say or do that was going to make
me unsure. I had found my community. I had
found my self. I had found my truth. And I
felt strong. As afraid of my mom's
reaction as I was, it could not have gone
better, in truth.
And I will leave a link to my coming out
story so you can hear the sordid
details. What I really want to say to you
is, you don't have to come out. You don't
owe anybody anything. You don't owe it to
the gay community to stand up and be
counted. You only owe it to yourself to
be true to yourself, to be clear, and to
be kind to yourself. It's not an easy
thing to do. It may be easier for some
people than others, depending on your
situation.
Take everyone else out of the equation.
What you're afraid other people will
think of you, how it's gonna be received,
who you might lose as a friend, or
whatever. Because it becomes too hard to
know yourself if you're worried about
what other people are gonna think of you.
Just get real with yourself, first. And, I
really want to say this: feel free to
reach out to me and Lacie. I can't even
tell you guys, when you message us and
ask for our help,
I just, I feel grateful that we have
something that we can offer. Please don't
be afraid to reach out to us. Ask us
questions. Leave us your comments. Tell us
how can we help.
Are there videos you'd like to see us
make? Are their subjects you'd like us to
take on? Do you have specific questions?
Do you need advice? If you're not
comfortable leaving a comment, you can
private message us on Facebook. There's a
link in the description below. Just know
that you're not alone. We really do care
about you. We understand what you're
going through. All right, you guys, that's
it. I really hope this helps. Please leave
your comments below. Please give this
video a thumbs up. Subscribe to the
channel, if you haven't already. And, if
you know anybody that you think might
benefit from this, please share the video.
I love you guys. We love you. Thank you
for watching. Bye, you guys.